If someone came along and asked us to name our favourite kinks, erotic spanking would be placed in the top spot without hesitation. Aside from some early experiments with a couple of pairs of furry handcuffs, a bare-bottomed hand spanking over the hubby's knee was probably my first foray on the road to earning some basic kinky credentials.
We'd talked about it of course, and I'd teased - probably quite a lot actually - and finally the moment came when he took the hint and I lost my spanking virginity! It was a rather tentative over-the-knee spanking, right after we had been watching the Erika Lust short film The Art of Spanking, and I suspect my hubby was probably more nervous than I was. Fortunately, since those initial overly-delicate moments, I'm delighted to say that he has embraced the pastime with obvious enthusiasm!
Any "first" is special and it was lovely, but whilst the uninitiated could be forgiven for thinking that popping your lover over your knee and whacking their bum can't be particularly difficult, what we have learned since is that erotic spanking is a tremendously personal and nuanced experience.
I also find that implements such as a paddle, hairbrush, slipper, or ruler, all have quite particular and distinct characteristics. I don't think I've found anything else that has quite the surprising versatility of a hand. Fingers can be together or apart, the impact can be rigid or relaxed, his palm can be held flat or slightly cupped, he can follow through or lightly flick away. Certainly no other spanking can touch the degree of intimacy of your lover's hand on your bare bottom!
Hand spankings in particular can sometimes be quite gentle and affectionate, taking the form of just a few teasing smacks that awaken a familiar tingling buzz in my cheeks. We both understand that this is more foreplay than real spanking, and I can pretty much count the moments till my other half's hand finds its way into my knickers. This type of hand spanking is short, ever so sweet, and always stirs our passions until neither of us can wait any longer.
But there are wonderful pleasures to be had from the act itself and there are times when I crave a much more indulgent spanking. Hand spanking is the most intimate form and it's even more of a turn-on if I'm naked and submissive, meekly taking the time honoured position across his lap. Deep sofas or a bed is ideal for support, minimising any physical discomfort - except in the seat of my pants! Over time a sensitive partner learns to read your responses, gradually upping the intensity as your arousal builds, but always ready to ease back if things are moving too fast.
And then again, if we're in the mood for something more kinky, it's fun to build your spanking into a sexy roleplay, whether it be teacher and schoolgirl, boss and secretary, doctor and nurse, and don't neglect the obvious - husband and wife. Hand spankings are the mildest form of what might be regarded as "realistic" roleplay discipline. There's no need to take it all too seriously, but if we've gone to the effort of dressing up and playing out a scene, I do like it to have at least an edge of realism. The position is usually more formal and the spanking is typically shorter and sharper. Afterwards, you might find the ritual is extended with corner-time, or you might get sent straight to bed. (Being sent to bed is my personal favourite!)
The photo above comes from from the quintessentially English and delightfully eccentric The Female Disciplinary Manual and states that "Spanking may be regarded as the most fundamental form of corporal punishment - indeed the most fundamental form of punishment altogether."
It's a quirky and fascinating book, but for couples who enjoy erotic spanking it's more often a reward, and might be better described as funishment rather than punishment! In her 2014 article for Slate, Spanking is Great for Sex, Jillian Keenan argues that spanking as a sex-act might even predate it's use as a form of ritualised punishment. (It's an insightful article, and well worth a read.)
Having already described three of our favourite approaches to hand spanking, we can't end this article without mentioning one final category which brings together elements from all three of our previous descriptions: loving and affectionate, long and indulgent, harder and realistic.
You will often see this referred to as a "stress relief" or "therapy" spanking, but it almost certainly means different things to different couples. It's an occasional desire for me and, just my humble opinion, is something that should be requested by the spankee. I feel like it emerges from an accumulation of tensions, and when there's a longing for blissful escapism and emotional release. Your partner's hand impacting firmly on your bottom quite literally wipes away the stress and you can bask in naughty fulfillment while the stinging redness blooms upon your cheeks!
It should be noted that a hand spanking doesn't always have to be light and frivolous. Delivered firmly, and at a brisk pace, it can undoubtedly hold a respectable position amongst your portfolio of fantasy discipline. Intense and invigorating, coupled with the deep-seated emotional vulnerability of having your bare bottom exposed over someone else's knee, this style of firm hand spanking can be a profoundly memorable experience.
Safe, sane and consensual is an oft quoted guideline, and hand spanking must surely be the de facto starting point for couples exploring spanking and erotic discipline fantasies. It might take some time to overcome the natural awkwardness of actually asking for a spanking, it did for me, but once you're ready you can enjoy many gloriously arousing experiences with nothing more than your bottom and your lover's hand.
Head over to the Kink of the Week website... so you can hand it to this week's other cheeky kinksters!
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